You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
