She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
