I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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