It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
