I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
