Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wear drunk well.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize