he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
