I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
