I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
