There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
