He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
