Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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