just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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