So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
