Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize