so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
