Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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