thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
