So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
