I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
