I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
