You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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