a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
