That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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