So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
