In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
