so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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