you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
