dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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