dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
