Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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