I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
