I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
is it fun? or sober?
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