obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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