Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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