Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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