so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
