Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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