Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
