I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
