New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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