He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
