WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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