Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
