he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
