I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
