Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
