careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
