I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
