Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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