I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize