He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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