You can't special order awesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize