Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm too high and old for this...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
