I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
