his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
