What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
