are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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