try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
