He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wear drunk well.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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