to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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