i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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