You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
