Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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