hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm always down for nudity.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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