Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
