I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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