My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
try to milk me bitch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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