I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize