I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
