I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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